end of Year evaluations
As the world is meant to be ending by Myan calender standards, I thought I might jot down a few observations about my year. After all, the world is ending, so a little honesty couldn't hurt. I feel I have been living in a paradox of values the last couple of years. On one hand, I work full time as an unpaid volunteer in an international not for profit organization, On the other hand, Most of my time is focused on the creative side of things in the world of film. These are two completely different worlds, with completely different values. Nonetheless, I love them both.
I have accomplished a huge life goal this year with the completion of production on my first feature film called "The Umbrella." This will be my directorial debut (prounounced the america way, because it sounds cooler than deboo). And with that comes a personal, end of year assessment. How did I do with it all?
First off, I am very proud of the fact that me and my team of five staff, accomplished a feature film in the first place. that is not an easy feat to tackle. That took courage, I think, and even though this a personal assessment, I can be proud of those facts. Second, I would not trade the experiences with the 25+ crew and 35+ cast for the world. I have worked with some incredible talent over the last year, not to mention discovering the raw talents of someone who may be going far in this industry. It just so happens that he is my best friend, and co writer on this film. But the experiences will never leave me.. Standing under a rain machine in the cold wind at the end of a Jetty for an entire day. Guerilla filmmaking in the city, trying not to get arrested by police. Getting goosebumps at landmark performances. I feel privilenged to have these experience with these fine people.
But as I look back, I realize that this has also been the hardest year of my life. The stress, the pressure, and the looming fear of failure can bring the worst out of people. I don't know exactly how I did, but I do know this. I could have loved more.. I could have been more patient, more kind, less envious, less boastful, slower to anger... but most of do better and keeping no record of wrongs. I think of the familiar passage that is often read at weddings. Well I would like to change that today. I will read it at the end of the year and learn those painful yet powerful lessons all over again. I hope you will join me in learning as well. I love you all. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Jason is an American director, freelance producer, and writer. These are merely personal musings.